North Melbourne

If Andrew Demetriou and Adrian Anderson had a one-night-stand with the same St Kilda school girl, and she had a baby, it is highly likely that the resulting child would be the North Melbourne Football Club.  The redheaded stepchild of the league, the Roos are all but unloved by Australia’s footy loving public.  Hopping from foster home to foster home, the Roos have done almost everything in their power to find someone to love them.  Here is a blog montage of North’s search for love:

·         Nine months after a drunken night of debauchery, the AFL discovers it has a love-child called North.  It banishes North to live in the shittiest part of Melbourne, where it sifts through bins at the Queen Vic market for scraps of food;

·         Constantly looking for a daddy, North has been fostered to Albert Park, Hotham, West Melbourne, Essendon and even Sydney and Canberra;

·         Suspecting that its name may be the reason it can't find someone to love it, North makes everyone call it by it by its nickname “Kangaroos”.  But just like the G-Train before them, North finds out that nobody takes you seriously when you make up your own nickname;

·         After battling for years to be loved by its father, the AFL finally offers North a home – in the Gold Coast.  Having shacked up with sugar-daddy James Brayshaw, North throws a “you never loved me, daddy” tantrum and tells the AFL to shove it.

But now it looks as though North need search no more.  Making North the apple of their eye, Tasmanian’s have said “we know what it is like to be the outcast step child of an unloving father” and have welcomed the Roos into the fold.  North will join its Tasmanian cousins twice a year and sit on the porch, toothless, strumming banjos in perfect harmony.

We now await the inevitable name change to “the North Melbourne Kangaroo Tasmanian Devils”.  Go get ‘em, Roo Devils!!