Gold Coast Suns

Here is a visualisation exercise.  Close your eyes and imagine you are staring at a long stretch of virgin beach.  Palm trees are behind you and a soft, warm breeze is blowing.  Now try and name three really good things about the Gold Coast.   Take as much time as you need.  Feel the breeze drying the last of the moisture from your skin.  Taste the salt gently teasing your lips.  Thought of three yet?  Beside the beach, I mean.  That one’s a given.  Nothing?

Now put yourself on that same beach.  You can even wear a white linen suit if you want, it’s your fantasy.  Now try and think of three really seedy things about the Gold Coast.  Feel the breeze as it ruffles your crisp white shirt.  Got three yet?  Beside Schoolies, I mean.  That one’s a given. 

I’ve got a few.  I’ve got a mental image of Shane Warne and Brett Lee in a convertible driving through Surfer’s Paradise, before Warne jumps out and allegedly pashes a fifteen year-old girl.  I think there may be alcohol involved.  I also have a mental image of Tanya Zaetta shimmying down Surfer’s nightclub strip, before getting her freak on and allegedly racially abusing security staff.  I think there may be alcohol involved.  I also have an image of Gold Coast property developer and former cricketer Craig McDermott, who was blackmailed by a Gold Coast boat repairer who stole sex tapes that McDermott and his wife had made of themselves.  I pray to God there was alcohol involved (in the tapes, not the theft.  Or both).

Now for one last visualisation exercise.  You are Andrew Demetriou sitting in a green chesterfield armchair in AFL house.  Adrian Anderson is giving you a gentle shoulder rub as your mind drifts off to working out how to crack the magical billion dollar mark for the next round of TV rights.  You suddenly hit on the idea of adding one extra match a week, which of course will necessitate two new teams.  Feeling Adrian’s hands tenderly sooth your neck muscles try and think of the two worst places in Australia to launch a new AFL franchise.  Take all the time you need.  Work your thumbs into the grooves of the chesterfield.  Got anything yet?  Besides Western Sydney, I mean.  That one’s a given.