Essendon

Essendon are one of the great teams of the AFL.  They have been incredibly successful on the field, with 16 premierships, 8 Brownlows in the cupboard and a coaching panel the envy of the whole competition.  They have also been very successful off the field, having a strong financial base.  So why do they dress so badly?

Some of the worst fashion crimes committed by Essendon have occurred in the last 20 years, nearly erasing the 100 plus years of proud, unblemished history. These crimes include:

• Kyle Reimer's boots. If Kyle thinks it is only Robert Walls who can't stand the sight of his showy foot wear, he mustn't get out enough.

• Matthew Llyod's shorts. Usually divers wear very tight shorts - Lloydy is the exception. Looking like they were an unwanted Christmas present from Nanna, Lloyd's shorts were one part wind sock, one part table cloth and all parts wrong.

• Hird's jumpers. When men go out to play footy, they wear sleeveless guernseys. When the little leaguers run out at half time, mum makes them put on a long sleeve top in case they get attacked but a stray UV ray. Hird was good enough to let his footy do the talking - which is just as well because his jumper said "I may be married with kids, but mum still dresses me".

• Sheedy's jacket. Its not easy being a coach: your first day brings you one day closer to being sacked, opposition fans hate you and if you fail as a coach you run the risk of erasing all the cred you gained as a player (a lesson learnt by the Don's favourite son Tim Watson). So it's not as though coaches need to draw attention to themselves - but they do.  And none more so than Kevin Sheedy. When Sheedy took to Subiaco and waved his jacket over his head he sent a bold and clear message to the entire footy world: "I may be a 4 time premiership coach and a champion player, but from this day forward you will all remember me as the tool who waved his jacket".  And he was right.

Let The Gripper know if there are any fashion crimes in the Don's closet he's missed . . .