St Kilda

When I was an adolescent, I learnt everything I knew about women from such informative movies as Porkies, Revenge of the Nerds, Animal House and Bikini Shop.  Apart from teaching me that with a few blown bulbs the neon sign for the “Hotel Coral Essex” can spell out something completely different, these movies also taught me one very important fact:  when women get together, they like to do a range of domestic chores either completely naked or topless.  For instance, if one woman wants to brush her hair, she sits at a dressing table with her top off and idly chats to her equally topless friends.  And if one woman decides to have a shower, all her housemates nude up and jump in the bathroom as well.  And don’t get me started on what happens when they decide to wash their car.

It was a little disappointing, then, to move into my first share house with four women only to learn that women can, and do, walk around the house fully clothed.  There were no pillow fights, no impromptu running through sprinklers and no just hanging out in our undies.  It was almost as if the movies had lied to me.

But then came the St Kilda football club.  Obviously in the years since Porkies first lifted the lid on what really goes on in sorority houses the pendulum has swung the other way.  While women libers have gatecrashed the party and decided all women should rug up while brushing their hair, it is now men – led by the Saints – who are free to buff up whenever they’re in the company of other men.  Need a glass of water in the middle of the night?  Strip off, pose for some photos with your mates, get what you need from the kitchen and hop back to bed.  Hanging out with all your mates in a Los Vegas hotel room and getting a bit bored?  Why bother putting the tellie on when you can all just strip off and take some really funny photos of each other.  That’s what modern men do, isn’t it? “It sure is, Gripper” says Nick with a cheeky wink.

So next time the Saints are fund raising, head down to the Moorabbin car wash because anything can happen.  It's just down the highway from the Hotel Coral Essex.